Sigh

I miss Raj.... I don't miss the others who thought the worst of me, hated me, spoke about me like I was a criminal.  But I do miss the one person I thought was honest and decent.

Random thoughts ..

why the hell can't people take things for what they are??

Twice in my life now, something I loved and had worked hard for and planned out to be just the way I wanted it... twice stripped away from me. And why?  Because some jackasses join up, decide they want to change it around to their liking instead and make it impossible for me to hold onto what I originally created and lost sleep over and struggled to make and maintain.   But nope, a couple freaking months of them being in there turns into "Well it's OURS more than YOURS, doesn't matter if you made it and fought for it, we don't like it and it must change now" ...

Just a thought.  WHY NOT HAVE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, GONE OUT AND STARTED YOUR OWN???  Nope, much easier instead to create drama and take the name I create and run with it and tweak my original plans to shit until it becomes what they wanted instead....

So really, didn't like it?  Then shoulda took off instead of making me stressed out and miserable and about to have a fucken break down until I hand it over peacefully and then all ya'll can just happily float along on MY CREATION??

Selfish fucks.  Seriously selfish fucks.

Last words I heard one person say "I never meant to take your ___ from you".

Really?  Lies upon lies bitch, then WHY Send another officer to secretly call the gaming company to find 'solutions' if it was never your intention?

Backstabbing two faced assholes, the whole pile of you.  But .. it was all my fault right?  All of you are just innocent little victims ... Yeah, what ever you have to tell yourselves to live with being such assholes with a total disregard for the YEARS OF WORK someone else put in, but nope ... your months of work was all that mattered to you.

Fuck the whole pile of you and thank GOD I see you for what you are

Regrets ....

I don't regret being homeless, because despite what's happened to me I'm still alive and learning new things. And learning to grow a thick skin about things.  I don't regret asking for help ... because anyone in my position who didn't go to people for help would wind up dead or crazy.  But let's face it, in the face of stress and anxiety and fear and degradation at soup kitchens, etc ... at least I'm strong enough to admit when I'm afraid and need the help.

I don't regret the loss of anyone who refused to even speak to me about my situation ... but I do regret the loss of one amazingly honest man.  Who although he now thinks badly of me, was at least still showing me what he honestly thought of things.   I miss the chance to get to know him properly while I work past all this and wonder what could have been with someone that blunt and not afraid to voice himself.

and in the meanwhile, all this runs through my mind and plays along as I still struggle to find my footing and get into a safe place.  Got help to keep my phone on some more, so that is always a big plus.  Thank the gods for Flora for helping with my wow, even though he doesn't always say the right things LOL One day I can recover what I've lost of my past and hopefully one day become stronger for having survived all this. 

 I've avoided writing any blog or anything ... I was still angry, and probably will always be a little hurt by how many backs turned on me at once.  But at least the sting has receded.  What happened makes me question what I thought of friends as.  Were the situations reversed would I really have turned my back on any of them?  Likely not, I would have helped.  That's perhaps just me... I tend to have a very soft heart and have always helped those I could, if I knew them well or not.  Maybe I expect too much out of others who called me 'friend' and we all define it so very differently.   I assumed the words weren't used lightly, but maybe they were.

Hard to tell what anyone else is thinking ... us human's really are a fool hardy lot aren't we?

Goodbye my sweet children

Despite my best efforts to prove ownership and get my kitties safely away ... the Marshall county animal shelter put both my kitties to sleep ... both of them ... the 13 year old girl who still jumped around like a kitten and had all the spunk in the world, shiny fur and bright eyes ... as well as the 8 month old kitten who was in perfect health and fully adoptable.... they murdered them both.

Photo or Art???

Believe it or not this artist does NOT take photos ... but take a look and I promise you it's well worth it. Amazing!

http://paulcadden.com/

 

 Paul Cadden

The Real Troy?

Beauty "Queen"

Canadian Woman DQ'ed ... for what again?

Ok, I agree with this young lady ... it's a human rights issue.  What the hell is the problem up there with the judges.  Who cares what goodie parts she was born with, the point is she was born feeling like a woman, so a woman she is in my book.  I don't care if she has goodie parts that stick up or go inwards, what she feels natural as IS what she is, gender wise.

What's wrong Canadian boys ... you fapped to her picture before you found out and now need to prove your machismo??

So, gossip is adorable, really

So I hear I'm still a fascinating threat to some... that I am somehow still the person to look up and trash talk.

My life is what it is - don't like it, don't read me.  Simple enough.

Oh dear gods, this is wonderful

And now for something entirely pointless and adorable

Jailhouse Tot

Ahh the weird shit that fascinates me sometimes ... plus I have a cold or something, so yeah.  Blame it on nyquil.
In any event, good read
http://listverse.com/2011/03/11/top-10-prophecies-you-dont-know/

Warning Warning RANT coming!

Point number 1.  I do not condemn ANY religion for any reason.  Everyone has the right to their own faith that's why it's called faith and not fact.  

Point number 2.  You use your religion to badger and emotionally torture someone expect to get some of your own in return ... but instead of pushing my faith in your faith I will happily use your own bible to make you look like an asshole.

I'm in the grocery store, two women and their baby in the cart.  The women are holding holds.  No problem!  You would think that in 2012 people would have figured shit out by now that this is ok but nooooo some fucktard redneck asshole, so angry at them for flaunting their sin and screaming bible quotes at them ... then attempts to TIP OVER THE CART WITH THE BABY out of self righteous anger!! Are you fucken kidding me?  The couple went ballistic on him of course and I applauded them and he was hauled off by cops.  But before shoving him into the cop car I jotted down my blog address and handed it to him.  With a smile, simply said, "read this later tonight please."

Dear redneck toothless classless waste of breathable air ... this one is for you! Hope you enjoy!

Jesus said prayer should be a private affair devoid of public display: "And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you they have received their reward.  But when you pray, go into your room (or closet.) and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret..."  (Matthew 6:5-6 RSV)  ... so you screaming calls you by name you sick fuck.

Before you go raging on someone else for their sins look to yourself first.

Lev 19:19 

" 'Keep my decrees.
" 'Do not mate different kinds of animals.
" 'Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed.
" 'Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.

 How you liking vegetable gardens of mixed things?    Or those poly/cotton jean overalls you had on?

You are also forbidden to cut your hair or shave your face ... I see you did both.

Arms full of tattoos also named you a sinner, just FYI.

Judging by the naked ladies on your tats, here's some food for thought.

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.  (From the NIV Bible, Matthew 5:28-30)"

I really hope you get the book thrown at you for trying to hurt a BABY because you disliked the parents.  

Folks it's not about gay rights ... it's about EQUAL rights!

Best moment of the day ... of any day EVER.  A wonderful woman has a son with leukemia, and I don't really know her that well.  I'm not familiar with the bone marrow transplant they are saying he needs ... I admit I'm not the most up to date on medical procedures.  But she was stressed, worried, and it looked as if she was holding back tears.  Not knowing if it would help at all to offer, I simply said, "If you need people to test to find him a marrow donor please let me know.  I'm sorry if I overstep my bounds, but his health is more important than anything." 

The look on her face was worth the offer.  Now, I need to look up bone marrow transplant procedures and such and find out if I can test and it I'm a match how I go about signing up to help this boy.  Poor lil guy.  Grown ups handle pain and illness so much better.  We're equipped over a lifetime to learn to deal.  Children and animals, not only can they not fully voice the ouchies, but they don't understand the ouchies.

My thoughts are with them, struggling to get it all financially handled, her working her tail off, and her child sick.

Amazing technology helping archeology .. loving it!

Mini Robots to Explore Pyramids